


Ultimate Bitch Fight, The

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-01-17
Updated: 2003-01-17
Packaged: 2019-05-15 13:13:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14791151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Sometimes it's only when you've cleared away the mess from your life that you see what you really want.





	Ultimate Bitch Fight, The

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**The Ultimate Bitch Fight**

**by:** Columbia 

**Disclaimer:** I am just soooo unemployed right now. It’s not even worth your time to sue me. They’re not mine anyway.  
**Category:** Josh/Donna, Romance  
**Rating:** MATURE, for very strong language.  
**Spoilers:** Takes place in mid-season 3, so anything up to then.  
**Summary:** Sometimes it’s only when you’ve cleared away the mess from your life that you see what you really want.  
**Author's Note:** Oh come on! Like any Josh/Donna author can really resist writing the ultimate bitch fight between Donna and Amy! I just may be the only one who actually **calls** it ‘The Ultimate Bitch Fight’, that’s all! This is my way of exorcising my Amy demons, let me be. Thank you again to Carla…and your hair is fine by the way…(paranoid)…  
**Feedback:** Pretty please!

“Shut up! Just shut up!”

“You can’t tell me to shut up!”

“I think I just did!”

“You think I have to listen to this? You can’t speak to me like that!”

“But you can talk to me like you just did?”

“I have every right to, after what you just did!”

“I didn’t do anything!” screamed Donna.

Amy just laughed in disbelief. “Yeah, okay!”

“Shut up!”

“Are they nearly finished?” whispered Sam to CJ.

“I don’t think so.”

The staff had quickly hidden in their offices when the argument had become heated. Toby and CJ had been in Sam’s office at the time, and they were still cowering there now.

Toby looked at his watch. “This is ridiculous. I have work to do. My office is right next door, for crying out loud!”

“You really gonna go out there?”

“Are you kidding me? Three years in this place, I still don’t have a death wish.”

Sam sighed. “Where’s Josh?”

“Somewhere along the equator, if hes any sense.”

“We should call him, warn him to stay away.”

“Why?” asked CJ indignantly.

“Are you kidding? If he comes back in the middle of this he’ll die!”

“Good,” she replied. “This is all his fault anyway!”

“How is it his fault?”

“It’s his girlfriend.”

“So? That means it’s his fault.” He peered through the window. “You think we should help her?”

“Donna?”

“No, Toby, Amy! Of course Donna.”

“She seems to be doin okay. Plus, there’s no way I’m goin’ out there, I don’t know about you.”

They were distracted as the argument in the bullpen grew louder.

“And don’t bother running to Amy about this!”

“Oh, fuck you, Amy!”

“Oh, that’s right! Resort to swearing!”

“Fuck you! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck you!”

“Oh, for-“

“Fuck you!”

Sam winced. “Yeah, we have to call Josh.”

“Maybe you’re right,” agreed CJ.

Toby, his eyes glued to the window, said “Uh-oh.”

“What?”

“Too late.”

Sam and CJ looked out to where Josh had just walked straight into the middle of an all out bitch fight.

“Uh-oh” they said in unison.

 

**24 hours earlier**

“Donna!”

“Hello!”

He’d yelled her name before he even got to the bullpen. As he walked in, he turned full circle, unable to find her. “Where are you!”

“Here!” She waved a hand helpfully. “Are we done”

“Nope.”

She pouted. “Why not? It’s midnight, Josh, I’m tired.”

“Politics waits for no man, Donna.”

“Oh well, I’m not a man. Looks like that lets me off then.”

“Not so fast.” He handed her a sheaf of papers. “Read this? In ten minutes, come argue with me.”

Donna took the pile. “Why? What is it? Is it for the thing tomorrow? Are you for or against?”

Josh blinked, trying to think through all the questions. “Okay, in that order, because I’m asking you to, its for my meeting tomorrow, which I think answers question 3, and 4, of course I’m for it, it’s our bill!”

“I didn’t know what it was when I asked you that.”

“You should have waited for me to answer your questions in an orderly fashion.”

“So you want me to argue against?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Practice.”

“Practice?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t you think Senator Hillman is a tougher nut to crack than me?”

“Yes.”

“But…”

“It’s just for practice. You’re good at arguing.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah. Not as good as me, but…”

“Only cause I let you win.”

“In your dreams.”

“You wish.”

“Mature Donna.”

Toby walked past. “When you two have graduated from the third grade, Leo’s waiting for you Josh.”

“I’m coming. Go read, Donnatella.”

“Go stuff yourself, Joshua.”

 

**Later**

 

The West Wing was deserted. All around them lights blinked off as people left for the night, leaving the two occupants of the office alone.

Josh sat lounging in his chair, tugging on a bottle of beer. He’d taken off his tie, which he rolled and unrolled as he talked to his assistant.

Donna sat on the other side of his desk, balancing Josh’s notes in her lap as she drank from her own bottle. Her bare feet were propped up on Josh’s desk as she talked.

“40 million isn’t going to happen. 20 or 30, maybe.”

“Half the amount will do half as good.”

“Well, I think it’s clear here that you’re only doing this for the spin. You’ll still get a story with 20 million.”

“Well, we’re not doing it for the spin. We’re doing it because it can help real people.”

“The 50 million you got last year helped ‘real people’.”

“Yes, real people as long as they’re not under 25 or over 60, as long as they’ve never been to prison, as long as they’re married and as long as they have a job!”

“Josh, I understand that, but we spent 50 million last year on this exact same thing, you’ve spent almost 3 billion this year just dancing around this bill! If you really want to help real people, you’ll stop wasting their money with non-essential reforms that don’t work. You have to draw a line.”

Josh paused. He’d have to figure out an argument to that. Instead, he threw his tie at Donna.

She laughed. “I don’t think that’ll work with Senator Hillman, Josh.”

“Ah, Senator Hillman, the man on the hill.”

She rolled her eyes. “That joke was old before you even made it, Josh. Now…it’s just dead.”

“Hey” said a gruff voice from the doorway. “Are you guys staying?”

“Hey Leo” said Josh. “Yeah, we’re just goin’ over stuff for the meeting with Hillman.”

“Don’t work too late,” he said. “Donna, don’t let him sleep here.”

“I won’t, Leo.”

He nodded, thinking how comfortable the two looked in each other’s company. Too comfortable for boss and assistant? Probably, but he wasn’t going to open that can of worms just yet.

“Well, I’m out of here. Goodnight.”

“Night, Leo.”

There was a silence – not an awkward silence, but the kind of comfortable, contented silence, you can only get from two people who have nothing to prove to each other. It was finally broken by Donna.

“Josh?”

“Mmm?”

“I don’t think arguing with me is very good practice for Senator Hillman.”

“Why not?”

She laughed. “I don’t think we’re quite the same…calibre?”

“You just beat me, Donna.”

“Yes, I did. And that’s why I think tomorrow you are going to get monumentally screwed.”

Josh laughed and feigned hurt.

“I mean, if I can beat you…”

“I let you win.”

“Yeah. Come on, you need more practice. Let’s do it!”

“Yes ma’am.”

 

**1 hour later**

 

“I agree!” cried Donna, her face flushed from the alcohol.

“What? You agree? That’s not the point of this!”

“I can’t help it! I agree, damn it!”

“Yeah, well, that’s great, but I don’t think that’s the view Hillman’s gonna take.”

“You’d rather I acted more like Hillman?”

“Er…not really.”

“No, this could help! I’ll do the voice.”

“Oh God.”

Donna grabbed his tie from where she had draped it over the chair, and put it around her neck. She put on an absurdly deep voice. “Hi. I’m Senator Hillman, the man on the Hill.”

Josh laughed.

“Ladies and Gentlemen” she announced. “May I present…my purse strings. As tight as a corset and twice as difficult to get into.”

His shoulders shook with laughter as the tears rolled down his cheek, and she was laughing too as she carried on her impression.

“My wallet – the only thing in DC bigger than Josh Lyman’s ego!”

“Hey!” Josh tried to protest but failed as another shudder of laughter overtook him. She tried to carry on but was left speechless as she too dissolved into another fit of giggles.

“Well. This is cosy.”

All the laughter disappeared as Josh and Donna looked at the intruder.

“Hi, Amy” said Josh.

Donna took her feet off the desk, and quickly untied Josh’s tie from around her neck. She suddenly felt hugely inappropriate. “Hello Amy.”

“Hello” said Amy coldly. “Josh, you ready to go?”

“Just give me a minute” he said, wondering why these two women together always made him feel so uncomfortable.

Donna felt uncomfortable too. “I’ll be going then, if that’s okay.”

“Sure” said Josh. “You okay getting home.”

“Yeah. See you. Bye Amy.”

Amy moved aside from the door to let Donna out. When she was gone, Amy fixed Josh with a cool glare.

“What?”

“Don’t “what?” me. You looked a little too comfortable there.”

“Oh, Amy, don’t start this.”

“Don’t give me reason to, Josh.”

“I’m not giving you reason to, Amy.”

She looked at him, sulking, her arms folded defiantly. She was ready for a fight. Well, he wasn’t. “Amy, I’m tired. It’s late. Can we save this argument for another time? I really can’t be bothered having it tonight.”

“You can never be bothered having it.”

“Amy…just save it, okay?” he said wearily. “I’ll take you home.”

“But I thought we were…”

“I have a long day tomorrow. I need to sleep. Just let me take you home, we can talk tomorrow.”

“Fine.”

 

## The next day

 

Donna was in a good mood as she put files on people’s desks, humming softly to herself as she made her way around the bullpen. Josh was on the Hill, in his meeting with Hillman – she hoped their ‘practise’ had prepared him okay. She smiled to herself as she remembered her ridiculous impression, and decided it was largely the fault of the beer. 

“Hey Donna.”

“Hey CJ!” She smiled. “What are you doing?”

CJ waved a sheaf of papers angrily. “I’m gonna kick pretty boy’s ass! Sam gave me papers for the morning briefing, and I looked like a total idiot in front of the corps.!”

“Oh dear.”

“Yeah, oh dear!”

“Where’s Sam?” bellowed Toby.

“What’s wrong?”

“This speech! I’m halfway throught reading it, and I havn’t found a noun yet!”

“Hey, hey!” said CJ. “There’s a queue to whack Sam Seaborn over the head, and you’re behind me!”

“Poor Sam!” said Donna.

“Poor Sam nothing.” She said. “He’ll get whats coming to him.”

“Just don’t get blood on the carpet.”

“We’ll try, but I’m not making any promises. Come on, Tobias, let’s kick some ass.”

“After you.”

Donna winced in anticipation as she considered Sam’s fate. She shook her head in amusement before turning round to find herself face to face with Amy.

“Hello Donna” she said coldly.

“Hi Amy.” Donna tried to smile pleasantly. “How are you?”

Amy ignored the question. “Where’s Josh?”

“He’s taking a meeting on the Hill. Didn’t he tell you.”

“No, he didn’t.” Amy sighed in exasperation. “He’s supposed to talk to me, where is he?”

“He’s on the Hill,” Donna repeated. “He’ll be back soon, if you want to wait.”

“Fine” said Amy, sitting down abruptly in a chair.

“Fine” replied Donna, sitting in her own chair and continuing to work. She tried to ignore Amy’s eyes on her, but couldn’t.

“Can I help you with anything?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

Silence.

Staring.

“Can I get you anything?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

Amy paused. “Don’t think I didn’t see what was going on last night.”

“Excuse me?”

“You two. In the office.”

“There was nothing going on with us two in the office.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Amy, I promise you.”

“What the hell do your promises mean to me?”

“Amy, I have to be nice to you because you’re Josh’s girlfriend. But if I didn’t, I’d have to tell you, you’d be crossing a line.”

Amy stood up, her eyes burning with anger. “Don’t tell me **I’ve** crossed a line! You’re the one who’s determined to steal my boyfriend!”

“I am not –“

“Don’t lie to me!” The surrounding staffer suddenly found it important to be in an office. In Sam’s office, CJ quietly closed the door.

“I saw you last night!”

Donna stood up. “I wasn’t doing anything!”

Amy snorted. 

“Look, that is the way Josh and I have always acted, if you have a problem with our relationship, you should talk to Josh!”

“You shouldn’t have a relationship! You’re just his secretary!”

“I’m his **assistant**!”

“You’re a glorified calander, Donna, and it’s way past the time you should realise your place!"

“My place?”

“You keep his schedule, you answer his phone, you do his research, that’s it!”

“You can’t dictate to me how to do my job!”

“You have to realise that you’re not the important part of his like you think you are!”

“You don’t understand this Amy! You’ve only known Josh five minutes, I’ve known him much longer! I know that the way we work together is the way we work best, deal with it!”

“I know what you’re trying to do, you know. You’re trying to make him think he needs you, that he can’t live without you, that – he’s in ove with you. Well, it’s not going to happen.”

“I’m only trying to do my job!”

“You’re a very sad person, Donna. Actually, I don’t blame you for latching onto him.”

“Excuse me?”

“No, I mean, he’s a very powerful man, it’s not like you have a great love life, you’re ill-educated –“

“Shut up!”

“No qualifications – he’s your only hope, really.”

“Shut up!”

“It’s pathetic, you’re like a lost puppy!”

“Shut up, just shut up!”

 

 

Josh walked along the hallway, whistling to himself. The meeting with Hillman had gone well, thanks to his practise with Donna. The Senator hadn’t seemed like such a hard case when he had Donna’s half-drunken impression in the back of his mind.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted when he heard the sound of shouting voices. More like screaming voices, he realised as he drew nearer. Suddenly, he was surprised to hear his own name.

“And don’t bother running to Josh about this!”

Amy? His eyes widened as he listened to what sounded like Donna swearing.

“Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck –”

What the hell was going on? He turned the corner to see Donna and Amy standing up yelling straight into each others faces, just as Donna was screaming “Fuck you!”

One look at her face told him she was beyond upset.

“Hey!” he shouted.

They both wheeled round in shock. He walked over to them.

“What the hell is going on? What the hell are you doing?”

“Keep out of this Josh” hissed Amy, staring straight back at Donna.

“I will not!” Josh retorted. “Would someone like to tell me why the hell I come around the corner to find my assistant yelling at my girlfriend in the middle of the West Wing? Donna?”

Donna shook her head, and stifling a sob, ran out of the bullpen.

“Donna?” He turned to his girlfriend. “Amy, go wait in my office.”

“Hey, you can’t order me around-“

“Amy, shut the hell up and go and wait in my office!” Josh shouted.

Amy looked startled, but did as she was told.

Josh started to make his way out of the bullpen. He had to find Donna. But as he passed Sam’s office, the door opened and his friend came out.

“Josh…”

“Sam. What the hell was that about? Did you hear anything?”

Sam nodded. “I think everyone did. Josh, don’t blame this on Donna. It was Amy who started it.”

“What was it about?”

“Amy was yelling about something she must have thought went on last night.”

“What?”

“I don’t know what she was talking about. Something with Donna, in your office…?”

“Oh, for the love of-“

“Anyway, Donna denied anything went on, and Amy started going on about Donna trying to **steal** you, and then…”

“Yeah?”

“She just started laying into Donna.”

Josh rubbed his eyes. “What did she say?”

“I don’t know if-“

“Sam. Help me out here.”

Sam sighed. “I heard the phrases “ill-educated”, “no qualifications”, “glorified calander”, “time you realised your place” and “not an important part of your life”.”

Josh was practically shaking with anger. “That is such utter crap.”

“You don’t’ have to tell me that. But she sounded like she was convincing Donna.”

“Oh God.”

“You have to talk to her, Josh.”

“I will, but first – I need to sort something out.”

 

Donna stumbled down the stairs, her vision blurred from tears. Finally, she reached the door of the steam trunk pipe distributing venue and pushed it open.

“Ainsley…” she sobbed. 

The Republican lawyer looked up in alarm. “Donna! What’s wrong!”

Donna leaned back against the closed door.

“I need to…can I hide here?”

“Of course!” Ainsley came over and put her hands on her shoulders. “Donna, you’re trembling like crazy, what’s happened?”

“I had a fight…with Amy…”

“Amy?”

“Amy Gardener…Josh’s girlfriend.”

“A bad one?”

“Really bad. We were screaming at each other in the middle of the bullpen…Josh came in…”

“What did he do?”

“Not much…I ran away…”

“Donna – what did Amy say to you?”

“I can’t…I don’t want to…”

“It’s okay.”

Donna wiped her eyes. “I’m probably keeping you from something.”

“Don’t be silly. Come on, sit down. Let’s get you some chocolate.”

 

 

“Sam told me what happened?”

“Good. I hope you’re not going to let her get away with it.”

He slammed the door, making her jump.

“How dare you say those things to Donna!” he yelled.

“Excuse me? What about what she said to me?”

“She didn’t say anything you didn’t deserve.”

“I might have guessed you’d take her side.”

“Amy! How would you like it if I came round to NOW and yelled at **your** assistant?”

“Oh, who are you trying to kid, J? Donna Moss is much more than your assistant and we both know it!”

He shrugged. “Yeah. You’re right. She is more than my assistant. She’s my friend, and you can’t treat my friends like that Amy!”

She shook her head and folded her arms defiantly.

“And if you can’t accept that, you might as well just leave.”

She didn’t move.

“Actually I don’t care if you accept it or not. Just leave. I don’t want to see you again.

 

 

> To: Sseabo@whitehouse.gov
> 
> From: Ahayes@whitehouse.gov
> 
> Subject: She’s here.
> 
>  
> 
> Sam, Donna is in my office now. She thinks I’m working, but I thought I should let you know so you can tell Josh. I know she had a fight with his girlfriend and I’m not really sure what about, but she’s really upset. Josh **needs** to speak to her, this has really affected her.
> 
> Ainsley

 

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Donna looked at Ainsley, who was sitting at her computer. She shook her head. “I will be. Just not yet.”

Ainsley smiled sympathetically. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Donna shook her head.

They both looked up at a soft tap on the door. Donna looked away quickly when she saw who it was.

“Hi Josh” said Ainsley.

“Hi Ainsley” He looked at his feet uncomfortably. “I was just looking for Donna.”

“Gee, I’m hungry” said Ainsley, unconvincingly. “I think I’ll just head up to the mess.” She left quickly, shutting the door behind her.

There was a silence. Donna stared at her hands.

“Are you alright?” He asked with concern.

She nodded, still not looking at him.

He took a step nearer. “I’m sorry about what she said.”

She looked up in surprise. “How do you what she said?”

“Sam told me. He heard the fight.”

Donna sighed, thinking about how loud they must have been. “We shouldn’t have made a scene. I’m sorry, it was stupid, there could’ve been press there. It won’t happen again.”

Josh looked stony-faced. “No, it won’t.”

# Her eyes widened. “Are you…are you firing me?”

He almost laughed. “What? Of course not! I’m saying it won’t happen again because I’ve split up with Amy.”

She hung her head. “Because of what she said? This is all my fault, I should have tried to get on with her.”

“After what she said? No way. I’m amazed you didn’t hit her.”

“I was tempted.”

He went to sit beside her. “Donna, what she said, you know that was total crap.”

“Was it?”

“Of course.”

“It’s what you told her.”

“What?”

“She knew about me. She knew I dropped outa college. She knew about my history with guys. You told her.”

“Donna –“

“You know I don’t like talking about that stuff to even you! You know I’m sensitive about it! And you told her, you gave her ammunition. Why would you do that?”

“Donna, I didn’t say anything bad about you, I swear. She only asked how you came to work for me and I told her.”

“That I was a sad, ill-educated, pathetic person.”

“No!”

“Do you really think those things?”

Josh was speechless with shock. How could she think that? “No! No way, Donna, how can you ask me that? Of course I don’t think that about you, you’re one of the smartest women I’ve ever met, you’re a unique, wonderful person , I couldn’t do my job without you!”

Donna wiped the tears on her cheeks, only to have them replaced by more.

“Donna, please, I hate to see you so upset. I’m sorry for what she said, please believe me when I tell you none of it was true.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

Josh put his hand on Donna’s. “She said that you’re not an important part of my life?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, she was right.”

She frowned, puzzled, staring into his warm eyes for an answer.

“You’re not just an important part of my life. You’re **the** most important part of my life.”

“Josh-“

“What?”

“Are you…do you know what you’re saying?”

“I’m trying to tell you how I feel.”

“Be careful.”

“Why?”

“You might say something you regret.”

“I don’t think so. Not unless I mess this up. And it’s only three words, how hard can it be?”

“Josh-“

“I love you.”

Donna didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “I…I don’t understand.”

“What’s not to understand?”

“I mean, you’re just realising this now, or…”

“No, I think I’ve known it for a while.”

“Then what the hell was Amy about?”

He smiled, not quite believing how stupid he had been. “I have no idea. It was…no, actually, no idea what that one was about!”

She laughed nervously. “I can’t quite believe what you’re telling me.”

“Why not?”

“Cos I hoped it for so long, and I never actually thought that this would…”

“Wait a minute, did you say you hoped for it? That means you- you feel the same?” He grinned widely.

She laughed and playfully knocked him on the head. “Of course I do, you idiot!”

“Well, when you hit me like that, and call me an idiot…”

“Well you are! You should have told me.”

“I know! But I’m caught up now! I know! I know now how much I love you. How much I…”

“Josh.”

“…how much I am…”

“Josh.”

“…hopelessly…”

“Josh.”

“…irretrievably…”

She laughed, barely believing her luck.

“…head over heels…”

“Josh.”

“…in love with you.”

“Josh, I can tell right now that there’s only gonna be one way to shut you up.”

“What’s that?

Donna smiled before leaning in to capture his lips in a soft kiss.

“I should have done that a long time ago.”

“You really should have” Josh said as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him to kiss her once again.”


End file.
